Wholehearted with Requirements

As per usual, my writing here happens when the inspiration, creativity and a productive balance between an ideal head- and heart space happens.

This year as a whole, so far, has been quite different than many many of the years before. Different in the sense that I came to a point where I really felt – and still do with even more gusto – that I am ready. For Love. 

That may sound simple enough, but believe you me, it is not. It’s been a long journey.

I come from a past of relationships that were anything but healthy, and I gradually learned that it didn’t matter that I was doing all this internal work on me – when the other part did nothing. Not on themselves, let alone on the relationship. It took me a long time – years – to understand that this is not how I want to continue my Life.

So after the latest relationship, that really was the rock bottom for me on the relationship front (choosing to relocate across Europe to start a life with a drinking alcoholic), it finally caught up with me that if I want also this part of my life different – I gotta do different.

This was 10 years ago.

So I have spent the last decade doing just that. Life differently. And for the better part of this decade, this has meant that I needed to be with just me, focusing on one relationship only; me, myself and I.

And do thorough autopsies on my latest several relationships, ( I’ve done this once before almost 20 years ago) to get clear about who I am and what I want. 

And man have I done that! 

I spent the first 3 years just recovering from that last (latest) relationship with the drinking alcoholic – by far t h e worst relationship I have been in.

Then another 3 years or so, getting really clear about who I am and how I want to show up in the relationship world, what kind of partner I want to be.

By that time, some of my friends thought it was about time that I got out there in the dating world, so they put me in that world by creating a profile for me. Or circus? Or looney bin? Not sure what to call it, but there’s a LOT of dysfunctional people out there, thinking they are looking for ”love”.

Not knowing what that means or looks like, not being able to give what they are searching for. 

So I took that with a large pinch of salt, that whole dating circus. Took me another couple of years to learn to remember to check in on the apps in question. I still wasn’t ready. 

Apart from doing all this internal work, I have also focused on my professional work, finally being able to leave behind being employed in order to pay the bills and doing my clinical work on the side. 4 years ago I got to leave that and be my own boss, sustaining myself completely. For this I have worked really reeeeeeally hard and I am so grateful. Beyond words. It means so so much, it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for several decades. Really.

It’s my passion and what I do absolutely best out of everything else that I’m really good at; assisting people to be all that they can be, which entails a LOT.

And I don´t want to get all technical and theoretical about that now. That’s a great topic for another time though, what it is I do.

Anywho.

So when this year started, I summoned up everything and all that I have spent a decade learning about myself, being all aligned in spirit, heart, soul, body and mind. And now I am indeed ready. For Love.

And believe you me, the selection out there hasn’t changed much in my absence.

I´ve had a number of conversations, none of them very long lived. Cause one of the things that got really clear to me was – IS – that I am no longer interested in settling for less than. I’ve done that enough in my life.

As spring and summer came and went, it took me on a trip overseas. Little did I know who I would meet. I mean I thought I knew. But no, not a first. It took a long time to put that together. And I needed to be back home to put this together.

So what would you say, or think, if I told you that this is who I met?;

Someone who is good looking, kind, generous, respectful, warm, loving, thoughtful, considerate, wholehearted, sensual, sexual, vulnerable, openhearted and open minded, grateful, flexible, honest, mature, ready, funny, intelligent, emotional, curious, brave, tolerant, accepting, patient, loveable, easy, non dramatic, responsible, self supporting, transparent, willing to learn.

Someone who is consistent, who does what they say they will do – every time. 

Someone who has done a lot of internal work and is clear about what their triggers are, but also who’s responsibility they are to deal with. 

Someone who embraces their fears, and still dares to do that which scares them. Someone who understands that we all are products of our past relationships and that they indeed have been part of shaping how we behave today.

Someone who’s words are aligned with their actions.

Someone who is emotionally mature and also emotionally available. Someone who has a fast and sharp mind, and a healthy balance between the two.

What would you say about this person?

Would it be hard, difficult to love such a person?

I think not. I know it isn’t.

Because that person – is me.

I really got to meet me, also by bouncing me off of someone else. This is how we learn who we are. We need others for that. That’s when it gets real.  When we pay attention.

And I love me, myself and I. 

Who and how I am now.

And I am ready.

For somebody else to love me too.

Just one thing….;

I´m. Not. Settling. For. Less.