One day at a time

September 15 2019.

So I live to tell about another September 15.

On this date, 26 years ago today, I walked into a room, on wobbly legs, at least that´s how they felt. In my mind and heart, I entered that room on my knees. I didn´t know it at the time, but I had indeed surrendered.

I had no more fight in me. I had no more, “I will do this MY way”, or “don´t tell me what to do”, in me.

I just knew. Without understanding it, I knew.

I could not live like this any longer, not one more day. I was on a fast track to die, in every way that a person can die.

That day, what was really hanging on a thread, was my soul. It was broken. Shattered. Couldn´t take any more.

Earlier that morning, or very late the night before, a miracle did indeed take place. I reached out. I called that number, disturbing a bunch of people in their good nights´sleep, to get to a friend who I knew had been hoping to get this call, for a very long time… Years.

A bit into the conversation (cause initially I still had my masks and armors on, pretending everything was smooth sailing, which I knew very well how to do, I had done that for many years..) I asked her; “Help me. I´m dying here, and I don´t want to die. I want to live. I just don´t know how.”

What I experienced in that room that evening, changed my life. Changed me. And it has been a journey and a process ever since. On a daily basis. And will continue to be, as long as I am breathing.

One day at a time.

I am living what I learned, and still am learning.

I am not a saint. This is about progress, not perfection.

I trust the process.

Giving away what I got, or else I don´t get to keep it anymore.

My victory, couldn´t happen until I surrendered.

So many lessons. So much learning. Through so many people. In so many rooms just like that first one. In so many countries.

They are all my family. There is trust, there is love, there is support, there is experience, there is hope, there is belonging, there is gratitude, there is sharing. In my family.

I love you all. Those who walked before me, those who walk beside me, those who will walk after me.

I owe you everything. I owe you my life.

The connection, the love, the compassion, the respect, the gratitude, the acceptance – all for and to my global family.

I am me, but not who I was, and I am becoming, what I am not yet. In the making. Constantly. Curious. Open. Willing to learn and grow. Always.

One day at a time.

Grateful – and beyond…

Namasté 🙏❤️